My Brother, The Kraken
by XxTheRuffianHadesxX
Summary: CRACKFIC. An OC, daughter of Hades, is the brother of The Kraken. Whose actual name is Eduardo. They squable just as normal siblings do, and this story pretty much revolves around that. Oneshot. Featuring Morgan Freeman.


**A/N: Mwah. Hah. Hah. Hello, Mortals/Mundanes/Muggles/etc. Welcome to my crackfic. If you were unfortunate enough to click this story open, I pity you. Because the following story contains my OC, Machi, (whose appearance has been changed for family purposes,) Morgan Freeman, The Kraken(whose name is Eduardo), Hades, and Persephone. All one big, disfunctional family. Except Morgan, of course, he's just the raggamuffin friend that the parents hate. (Yeah, don't ask, I know he's all "I'm Morgan Freeman and I'm well-behaved," but I've got to have an illogical reason that the God of the Underworld hates him. XP) So I'll leave you to it. Go ahead and read, my minions, for "My Brother, The Kracken" is waiting.**

The forest was alive with the annoying cawing and rustling wings of dozens of seagulls, perched in trees everywhere, and eyeing the two walking through the woods on such a cloudy Sunday.

"Morgan Freeman wonders why there are seagulls in the forest." The man said, looking to his raven-haired companion. Machi glanced sideways at him, her cold eyes regarding the black man.

"They enjoy the orange trees." She said as a gull cried and an orange fell to the ground. Suddenly three Seagulls were on the fruit, cawing and squabbling in a fight over who would get the succulent orange.

"Morgan Freeman sees." The man nodded, deeming the explination reasonable. The Seagulls had grown quiet, and had all turned their white feathery heads in the same direction. Machi squinted into the forest, and heard the oncoming threat before seeing it. A large consecutive snapping, crackling, and popping was filling the air, soon accompanied by a thick smell of smoke, as if someone was burning two tons of wet, green wood. Morgan Freeman's eyes widened as a Pillar of Fire streaked towards them, and Machi groaned. The Pillar burned a bright orange and stopped several feet in front of them, giving off a searing heat that Machi refused to flinch to. The Pillar burned to a hot blue, then white, then began to shrink until the outline of a man could be seen. Morgan Freeman and Machi shielded their eyes as the brightness of the fire faded, leaving only the man.

"What is this?" The man asked skeptically, his voice calm. His dark hair hardly fell into his face, and his equally dark eyes searched the two. "I said, What is this?!" He suddenly cried, and a large fissure opened up to the left of the three. The God of the Underworld stalked up to Machi, sneering.  
"What do you think you're doing?" He hissed.

"Walking through the forest with my good friend Morgan, admiring the Gulls and their strange eating habits. Why?" Machi asked.

"Because it's time for dinner as of fifteen minutes ago, and I find you marauding around up here with this...this....rabble-rouser!"

"Morgan Freeman does not maraud, and he is no rabble-rouser! Morgan Freeman is now offended, and will see you," he pointed at Machi, "later, but he will not stay where he is not wanted! Morgan Freeman says good day!"

"But, Morgan--" Machi began.

"I said good day!" And with that, Morgan Freeman turned on his heel and walked briskly through the woods the way the two had came. Gulls cried overhead, breaking the silence between the teen Demi-God and her father.

"Way to go, Dad. Why do you have to do that every time I'm with my friends?"

"Why do you have to be such a bad seed and a street urchin?" The God shot back. Machi sighed.

"For one, I don't know what you're talking about with the 'street urchin' thing. You're just making stuff up. Again. Second of all, I'm not the bad seed in the family, if you haven't noticed." She said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hades asked.

"Have you SEEN Eduardo lately? He's eating everything in the house, and destroying Roman cities, and hanging around with that skanky mermaid...He's out of control, Dad." Machi said.

"Don't you talk about your brother that way." Hades hissed. Machi rolled her eyes. "Now we're going to have a nice family meal with him and Persephone, alright? And I don't want you starting any fights."

"Yes, Father Dear." Machi said mockingly. Hades narrowed his eyes.

"I can very easily deduct your weekly allowance, you know."

"Good. I have, like, two hundred gold drachmas that I have no freakin' idea what to do with."

"Stop complaining." Hades snapped as he turned. "You get your ungratefulness from your mother. Now come," He beconed, curling his long, pale fingers. Machi ignored the comment on her biological mother, only because she'd never met the mortal woman who'd given birth to her. She followed her father reluctantly then, as they were on their way to The Underworld.

* * *

The rectangular table was ivory colored, textured like bone. Machi never wanted to ask what it was made of, though she was pretty sure she knew.

"Fear AGAIN?" She asked, sighing loudly.

"Yes. It's good for you." Hades was seated across from Machi, a large basin of swirling mist and a goblet of red liquid in front of him.

"I loves me some red Hawaiian Punch."

"Shut up, _Eduardo._ Don't even start with your lameness." Machi said. Her brother growled at her, showing rows of pointed teeth. "You're such a Kraken." Machi shot at him.

"Don't call your brother names!" Hades thundered.

"He IS though! Look at him!" Machi said, gesturing widely to her brother. "Am I the only one who can see that this kid is _the size of a car and growing,_ or what?"

_"Machi," _Persephone murmured from her place beside Hades.

"Hold on, I'm not finished! And you're not even my real mom!" Machi said. Persephone gave her an icy look, but remained silent.

"I am _not_ a Kraken." Eduardo said defiantly.

"Oh really?" Machi asked. "So you've never been to, say, Norway? Or Iceland? Rome?"

"Oh, that was one time. one. Time. Sue me." The sharpened teeth were revealed again.

"_Below the thunders of the upper deep; Far far beneath in the abysmal sea, His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee--" _Machi quoted.

"Stop it!" Eduardo cried, reaching a tenticle out to smack his sister.

_"--About his shadowy sides: above him swell Huge sponges of millennial growth and height; And far away into the sickly light, From many a wondrous grot a secret cell Unnumber'd and enourmous polypi Winnow with gian arms in the slumbering green--" _Machi dodged the attack.

"That is enough." Hades said, finishing his Fear.

"Thank you." Eduardo said, rolling his eyes.

"Seriously, though, I'll bet all my money that you'll get so big one day you'll have to be contained, and when they do let you out, they'll have to batten down the hatches on every city on the coast, and they'll have a guy specifically hired to yell 'Release the Kraken!' every single time." Machi said.

"I'm so sure!" Eduardo cried. "Dad, make her stop!"

"I'm not doing anything! You're doing this to yourself!" Machi threw her hands into the air.

"At least I have a life! You just hang out with Morgan Freeman and other old people! It's unnatural!" Eduardo shot back.

"You know what's unnatural? A teenager that demands blood sacrifices and destroys cities and has tentacles. And is the size of a bus. And eats everything, including Cerberus' food."

"You said car before. Now you're just exaggerating. And I don't eat that stupid dog's food!" Eduardo growled.

"Oh yeah?" Machi challenged.

"Yeah!" The two were inches apart, Machi red faced, Eduardo's tentacles

"There will be no fighting **at the DINNER TABLE!!**" Hades got to his feet as a swirling mass of darkness began at his ankles.

"So, like, I'm just going to go to my room, now." Machi said, standing up.

"You will do no such thing, you will sit down and finish your Fear!" It was Persephone's turn to get to her feet.

"Shut up!! You're not my real mother!!" Machi shouted, and turned on her heel, stalking away.

"She gets that from you." Persephone grumbled, sinking into her chair.

"I know." Hades said proudly after his daughter was out of earshot. "They grow up so fast." Hades said. The dark aura had left him, and he sat down as well, sighing. He lifted the goblet of Hawaiian Punch to his mouth and drank as Eduardo sat, not sure what to say.

"It's not your fault, son," Hades said when he put his drink down, "your sister is just difficult." Eduardo would've flushed, if he had skin instead of his scaly hide.

"That's right. That child's just--"

"Watch yourself, woman." Hades cautioned Persephone, and she rolled her eyes. "Only I can talk bad about my daughter. Myself and her brother, that is." He corrected.

"Well, did you ever think that she doesn't like having a Kraken for a brother?" Eduardo asked uncertainly. Hades gave him an odd look.

"No. I haven't."

"Well, what if--"

"Finish your fear, son." Hades said. Persephone, watch the boy. I've got a royal family to wipe out." He rose to his feet, leaving his empty basin and goblet at his place before stepping away. Dusty black wings materialized onto his back and the same thick black presence swirled around him. Not two minutes later, the God of the Underworld was gone, leaving the Kraken and his wife behind. Eduardo sighed and stood up.

"I'm going to my room too, I guess." He said.

"Go ahead." The woman got to her feet and began clearing the ivory table, mumbling about being held captive and being around stubborn children as Eduardo dismissed himself further into the bowels of Hades' Palace.

**A/N: Yup. This was so random, I don't even know. I'm sure Kitty-Sune liked the idea though, (especially with her cameo as Morgan Freeman,) so I went through with it.**


End file.
